lately

super ashamed of this long absence.

forgive me.

i've had a great deal of things on my mind.

time-consuming endeavors.

heart-occupying happenings.

it's been an enlightening time.

one day

i will have to expound.

maybe in poem form.

i'm thinking about revamping the blog.

content.

style.

maybe doing on just for poetry.

what do you think?

ima pray on it.

but i'll be back soon with definites.

you have my word. 

a comment

hmm...

sometimes the pain.

the lies.

the neverminds.

the no's

that come out of their mouths

are just blessings.

blessings from our Lord.

our Saviour.

sometimes their behavior

is just a manifestation of who they really are.

really aren’t.

really would be.

who we'd become.

and a warning to us

not to go that far.

a small glimpse into the future.

the future we so readily and willingly

setup in our heads

and hearts

and beings.

and give to them.

to that girl

or guy

all that was meant for
our God

and His plan.

His lady

or His man.

the one God knows will need us.

will bring us to the place

He has setup

as home

and hope

and bliss.

the one God wants to bless us with.

be thankful.

be grateful.

be joyful.

God watches out for us

even when we are all ready to.

all willing to say yes.

to scream yes.

to bust down closed doors

not knowing even what we should be looking for.

to race ahead of Him.

and let our hearts decide.

like we don’t know.

like He didn’t already tell us so.

that our hearts are deceitful

and desperate

and wicked…

maybe God shut the door.

bolted it.

and is tearing up.

watching us rant.

and vent.

and scream in tears and agony.

in pain.

beating.

scratching.

clawing at Him.

as He stands.

in front of the door.

keeping us out.

or really.

keeping us in.

be thankful.

be grateful.

be joyful.

stop clawing.

stop wearying to find the door.

stop beating at Him.

at His open arms.

and just fall into them.

God is God.

He knows how to open doors.

and close them.

for a reason.

and that reason.

is always love for you.

worth it.

so i've been dealing with worth a lot lately

mainly my worth

and realizing just how many different things

i base my worth on...
talent
knowledge
style
swag
general opinion

pretty scary

and in reward for looking introspectively

God's been showing me things

working on me

dealing with it

so after some Bible reading

good sermons

long talks

and oddly enough

a few youtube videos

(some were laughter medicine, some were sermonlike...)

i'm getting there :)

this

i wrote lately

at work

crying

i know

thank the Lord for cubicles

and down time

now my written prayers are usually unseen
unshared
just for God
but i think i can share this one

just praying out loud

........................


Lord,

Help me to put my worth in You

In what You did for me

In what You say my value is

In what You wish to do through me

That worth means things

That means it needs to be cherished

protected

guarded

I can't just give up

Throw it away

Leave it on the floor where it fell

Sit in silence

Or worst yet

Kick it while it's down

Instead of lifting a repentant prayer to You

That worth has things to do

Glory to reflect and bring

Let my value

My worth in mine own eyes

Change

From how awful I am

To how great You are

If I wrapped my worth up

In Your power

In Your greatness

If I am

The sum total

Of even the things You have already done

In me

And through me

And for me

Then I am

A great thing

A priceless treasure

The most amazing chase scene even recorded

The greatest battle scene ever written

A victory cry of the all mighty God!

Proof that Jesus still saved old sinners

Like me

I am then evidence of Your great love

A reason to acknowledge Your presence

I am Your vessel, Lord

But even more than that

Your beloved child

The object of Your endless love and faithfulness

You died for me

You love me

You extend mercy and grace to me

You comfort me

You carry me

You reach out and grab me

You talked to me

You work on me

You acknowledge me

You claim me

You lead me

You hold me

Your action verbs constantly surround me

swarm me

I am covered

I am kept

I am hedged

I am overwhelmed

with it

Though I often forget it

I am Yours

And that's enough

And it doesn't matter

If he thinks so

Or she thinks so

or if they ever see it

hmm

they don't see a lot of things

I am Yours

And that's worth

That's worth it.

blog party

so

'member how i love the internet?

yeah

reason #2493:

i recently got the opportunity to particiate in a blogging party

after reading a friend's blog post about it

i went to check it out

it was hosted by Casey, Danielle & Alycia
each blogger was randomly pair up with another blogger
got to know each other
and sent each other a gift


i was paired with 
Karly from Three in Three




i loved reading her blog
and getting to know her

so at first
you think
mom
three kids
cool
but then you realize
 that the name of the blog means she had them in three years
wow
amazing lady
and then you continue to look around
and you get super jealous

three absolutely beautiful girls
a man you can tell she loves dearly
super talented
picture-taking
accessory-making
graphic design skills
and the ability to tell
THE BEST STORIES
(i mean crackheads, fake cancer & swedish bums! she should right a book)
then you stumble across a v-log
and she can sing!!!
crazy talk
WHO IS THIS PERSON!?!?
well
she's Karly Gomez
knows herself
grows herself
yeah
she's a cool cat

plus she sent me this

neato!
fresh
yet vintage
just my style
(and yes, she made it)
THANK YOU, KARLY!

yeah, i'll definitely be stopping by her blog frequently
you should check it out too

me. in poetry.

so 'member the project i alluded to a while back?

well

this is it.

i published a book.

ok.

self-published.

but it was quite the feat.

and now here it is.

isn't it beautiful?!

Anatomē of a young poeta

my first book of poetry.

that's right.

10 years of the stuff.

it's been about 4 years

since i started compiling and editing.

my bestest friend, Jana, was my faithful editor.

and we got it down to just under 70 poems

which are

in a way

me.

muy excited about this!

too, plus, also...

muy scared.

being me is one thing

but to be me

in front of God

and everyone

that's a whole other thing

but i believe i got the stamp of approval on this

i feel it's time

and i can do this.

really

this book is a written testament to my God's great love

grace

longsufferance

and

awesomeness toward me

so really

it would be wrong not to share it.

so please

check it out

available right now at

blurb.com

p.s. - my friend Sarah took these pics for me :)
and fellow creative here
did some proofing/encouraging/de-freaking out for me

appreciate it, fam :)

time with friends?

oh yeah

pinterest with best friend?

yes please.

(scroll, scroll)

kern me?

typography game!?

pin that for me!!!!

(later)

find pin.

repin.

click link.

blog?

(scroll, scroll)

well

type games?

time wasters?

the color orange?!

best pin trail ever.

check out the blog

oh

and the pin that started it all...

so here's to you...

to the talented few.

the ones who said what I mean to.

to the kids who know the rules

and break the ones they need to.

against the grain

and up the stream.

and whatever the flow the current deemed

despised in the eyes of these seer-throughs

and the ima-do-what-i-dos
to you who can and do
pimple gooses feathers
and wear vintage leathers
or not
for reason of dues and hues

...this one's for yous